I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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