i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
