so explain again why im purple
no
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
