the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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