It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i have two assholes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
