Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
