Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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