o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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