I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im holly from the hills drunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
