Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
