Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
