i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
