come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
