She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
