i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
