i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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