He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
