Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
