Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
