saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's get the cat blown out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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