Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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