the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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