hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
