For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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