I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone signed my nipple.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
