Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
