Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am in a vortex of obligation.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
