Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
