we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
