we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
