omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
