Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
