No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
