It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just gift wrapped bread.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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