These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
