Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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