I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
