just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
