i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
