I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
