all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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