i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
