what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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