I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
