the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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