Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Text me some of your sweat
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