he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
