I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
