Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
