We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
zippers are such a cool invention
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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