As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
