We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
